i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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