the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
