It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
