I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't turn off my feet"
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
