doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
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