If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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