Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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