I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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