Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
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