My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
