We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
as a side note pls kill me
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
