There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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