the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Sorry about my life...
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
