You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
