mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
