What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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