need another drink. this is the easiest way
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
