2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
