She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Randomize
