and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
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