A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
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