You made me cry and you don't even care
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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