I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Randomize