Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize
