whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Randomize
