halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
