just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
