he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
