if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
