I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
