I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
