the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
