u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
