my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
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he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
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I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me