It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away