walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
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life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
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you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.