Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Boobs speak an international language.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Randomize
