so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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