I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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