Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
