Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
