tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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