evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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