dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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