just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
