if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize
