i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just invented taco cereal.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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