so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
