Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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