I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
