I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Randomize
