Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
