Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
