I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
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