this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
