chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
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