Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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