I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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