He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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