I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Someone stole a lamp last night.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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