I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
