Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
