did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
