I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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