Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Randomize
