Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I just threw up on my dentist
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
i've created a new STD.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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