Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
