I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
you had me at cake vodka
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
