just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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