did you get engaged???
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
