You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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