Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
