chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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