I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
