I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
