so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
