everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
